The other day I attended an absolutely beautiful baby shower for a friend who will soon welcome a little girl into this world.  I had no expectation on how I would feel going to a baby shower, as this was my first one since my little boy died. There is something about being in a room with lots and lots of women, mothers and grandmothers that is a unique experience in itself.

I found myself wanting what she and so many other mothers in that room had — the normalcy of life. The natural process of bringing forth life into this world and watching it grow to adulthood. The sheer joy that comes from new life — the part that doesn’t include watching the tiny white casket being lowered into the ground.


It’s so easy after experiencing the death of a child, or even the diagnosis of anything outside normal, to continually be blasted the monster called wanting what others have.  It’s a horrible monster to befriend as it never allows the joy to be seen in my current circumstance and rather always classifies my life as sub-par.

I’m learning it’s all about choices.

I choose to embrace the life that God has laid before me. It certainly doesn’t mean I agree with the Big Man’s plans and wouldn’t have made things happen a different way. But it does mean that if I can allow myself to stop looking at what others have I will be blown away with the amazing things God has set before me — the incredible beautiful that is growing out of the ugliest of circumstances.

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